I have been very depressed since the past 2 days. At this hour, the depression seems to have subsided. I am taking this opportunity to write about the thoughts occuring in my mind since the announcements of the "results"
I have worked very hard for the past 7 years of my life. I have worked with good , if not exceptional , dedication and with ambition and planning. But I have got nothing in return, other than frustation, depression and mental illness. These 7 miserable years have destroyed my youth, my career , my life beyond repair. For the first 3 years, my hard work went waste because of B12 deficiency and the resultant memory and cognitive decline. Thereafter, it was mental illness which made my life hell and ruined any attempts to revive my career. And now this case of fraud has destroyed the effort i had put in since last year.
All these years of putting in hard work , but getting only frustation as result, have completely sapped me of morale. I wonder if i would ever be able to gather the motivation and dedication to re-start my career. Doing goal-oriented work requires motivation and dedication, where will i find them now ?
The most frustating thought is " Wish I hadn't worked hard, then i would have not been so depressed on getting a poor ( or no ) result ...... Its better to do nothing , and expect to get nothing , than working hard but getting no result "


one part of my mind says " manu, do not give up , try something new. work hard for a new goal and you will surely succeed " , while the other part of my mind says " .. haha, even after 7 years of continous failure, you still have dreams of success... what a fool you are "